u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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