Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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