every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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