Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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