i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
