You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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