If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Randomize
