you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
