You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
