i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
