We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
