neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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