Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
