Im at strip club and am horny
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
