I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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