so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
