Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
