my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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