You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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