i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
