Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
