Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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