Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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