She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
