I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
