I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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