Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
