Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Randomize
