Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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