I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
