A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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