there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
