If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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