So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
