my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
