Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
