the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
