There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
