now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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