I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
