tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
