i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
