What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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