his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
