While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
