my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
