There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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