Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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