Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
