We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
