WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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