"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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